my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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