Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
