Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
