can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
