chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
