he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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