Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
