So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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