Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
