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• (512): View more from Texas

  Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb

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• (406): View more from Montana

  He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.

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• (760): View more from California

  Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.

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