I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
