I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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