I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
