you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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