They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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