he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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