NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
