I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
