I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
