oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
