he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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