you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
where are my eyebrows?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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