I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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