I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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