We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
