I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
