dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
