She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
