On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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