i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
