I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
