my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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