forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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