whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
