1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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