I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
