There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
