I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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