Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I AM VODKA MAN
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
