just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
