last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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