she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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