what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
