Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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