YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
