he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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