you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
