it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
