Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
this is an emotional support booty call
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
