I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
