you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
