My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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