A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Someone shit on the floor
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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