marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
