Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
