im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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