There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
