I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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