my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
