Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think your dad took our porno
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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