i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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