I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
