You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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