birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
